Click here to see the Poems

What I've Lost and Gained

Have you ever lost something?

Have you ever gained?

Were you happy with it, or were you just pretending?

What is loss? Is it only loss if it's a big thing?

I once lost 30 pounds while out walking. I knew it was precariously stuffed in my pocket, but I did nothing. And then it was lost.

I didn't really feel that one, well, maybe a little bit. Is losing 30 pounds a real loss? Is it worthy of the word?

Maybe some people have never experienced loss, so they would think that losing 30 pounds is a massive thing. But then again, there are people who are surrrounded by loss and struggle, who feel 30 pounds as a wound that needs closing. More loss upon loss.

I have been poor, here's another maybe, maybe I should think back to that time and have more compassion. Compassion is something gained in the face of loss.

Talking about loss, how about when you find something that someone else has lost? I once found a £20 note in the street. Their loss, my gain!

​

Happiness

 

I am, therefore I am happiness!

​

I want to be happy. I am trying to be happy! The clock ticks on, time passes and I long for happiness.

 

If I had a bag of happiness, I would dump it onto every person who was sad that I met.

 

Or I would wrap small pieces of it up in plastic and give it to children like lollipops.

 

I've got to work hard. If I do, I have a chance of finding happiness.

 

Happiness is sacred. Happiness is a gift.

Colour

 

I am deep.

I am sombre.

I am as calm as I can be.

My favourite colours reflect my insides.

Insides that are difficult to describe and show.

It's not like pink or yellow, or green or brown. These colours reflect emotions that I don't often have.

 

Purple is close, but it's not quite there.

It's funny about how pink is so close to my colours, yet evokes such different feelings.

How can I show what is deep?

How can I share my essence in colour?

I can only say what my colours are.

It will reveal my mood and existence.

Dark blue and dark red.

Toothache

 

Today, I've got a toothache.

 

Ibuprofen is good, but I forgot to take it! I forgot it take it.

 

Four people in a room... We're all so different! It amazes me how different people are – all the same but all so unique.

 

I've got a toothache. My Dad's a dental technician – he'll know what to do.

 

We're talking about writing songs.

 

Isn't it amazing that women and men are so different, yet the same species?

 

My writings getting better! I'm always on the computer, my writing has suffered over the years because of this...

 

I've got a toothache.

 

Imagine it now, that needle going into your gum, deeply causing you pain and liberation from horrific pain at the same time. I think it's worth it.

 

Hey, the dentist was good by the way!

​

Viens

 

As I look upon this leaf from nature, I think about veins.

 

They start thick at the bottom and grow outwards. They make me think of my own veins – veins that deliver blood to my body, veins of friendship that are attached to me, veins of hatred that I thought I had let go of.

 

I have struggled with communication and I have struggled with hope. I have struggled with life itself. But that struggle seems to make me stronger, seems to offer me hope, for I have learned.

This story is a distance within my mind, it travels and flows through my body. Does this make me alive?

 

The leaf is alive. You can tell because it feels so soft. I don't know much about photosynthesis, but I wonder if the veins are giving life as I look at it, even as the leaf dies.

 

Is it alive?

Depression to Joy

 

I am a bit depressed. I sometimes get that way.

 

The water is good. It is refreshing. I love a life giving glass of water, there is something so simple and primitive to clear life. As children we ask for water, but I know we ask for sweets too.

 

The day is beautiful. Crisp, clear sunshine. It's cold, but the temperature matches the day, I wouldn't have it any other way. When you feel the cold wind on your skin, you feel alive.

 

I am feeling alive as I write this text. The depression lifts and the joy begins to grow.